Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
