I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
