Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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