Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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