did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Are we still banned from the library?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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