go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
