Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
