I wish I only lived at night.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm like, not good at living.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
