Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You need a sexual gate keeper
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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