This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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