Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize