Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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