he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
