thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
