It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
