I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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