We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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