but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize