how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
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