I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
