True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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