So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
