note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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