so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You are a genius and a whore.
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