The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
