sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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