Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
