i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
