I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
