just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
