Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
