Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
