dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
