it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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