Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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