College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
