so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
