If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
