It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
