Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
