Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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