You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
