I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
