remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
