3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just want to make out with him forever
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
