I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
