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i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
everyone is single if you try hard enough
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
