1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Randomize
