Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize