I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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