i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize