I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
