This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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