i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
