The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize