I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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