At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
