YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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