No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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