so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
