it was like fucking gandolphs beard
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
