why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
