so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize