He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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