i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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