some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
