The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
