im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
