I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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