Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
