I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
