I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
