I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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